Its 2 months out of 13 years

I had to tell a student today that since he failed my math class he would not graduate.  Which lead to a conference with the counselor and then principal.  I had carefully dotted my i s and crossed my t's  so all my paperwork was together, he just did not do the work.  Student cannot walk, but can graduate if he takes credit remediation this summer.  He would rather dropped.  I have never in my life wanted to slap a student so much.  Thirteen years of his life in education and he doesn't want to do 2 montth and pay the 75 dollars it takes.  Principal decided to try credit remediation until graduation which means he comes every day to ALE.  After student left, principal and I agreed.  His mother was going to light into him.

do your F**ing job and be a parent

One day, probably when I am near retiring, when I am on the phone with a parent; I will loose it. 
Parent, "I don't know what to do with him/her."
Me (in my imaginary scenario) "well I raised three children.  They have a some problems, but all are respectful, have college degrees and a modicum of success in the world. So let me offer you some suggestions."

"First, get rid of the cell phone."

Parent.,  "but she needs it."

"no she doesn't he needs love, food and sunshine, like all God's creatures.  Second, the reason she needs a cellphone is to talk to the boy friend she's banging."

Parent."Whaaa...?"

"yea, everybody in the school knows they are having sex, when did you figure out?  explain to boyfriend if you see him within 6 feet of your daughter they will never find the body.  I'll let you know, boyfriend is a waste of oxygen and I will not miss him.  Do you know he has one baby already?  Hope your girl is practicing safe sex.  Now are you taking notes...the next one is important.  Get rid of the car."

"but she needs it to go to school..."

"no she wants it to bang the boyfriend weren't you listening?  She can ride the bus or you can drive her.  It is hard to get into trouble if you cannot run off as you wish."

"next, sit with her while she does her homework, about 1 hour everynight.  My class especially.  There is work almost every night.  Do not watch the TV sit with the child.  Read a book, magazine or do the lesson with her.  Heck you might learn something.  I have some books I could suggest."

"I really don't like to read." objects momma.

"I gathered as much the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.  Which leads me to the next step.  Go the library every saturday.  Do not let her use the computer there to socialize...you do realize that you need to take the phone and computer our of her room?  Put them in the main room so you can monitor her."

Parent's blood pressure is up, "how dare you!"

"no, no how dare you have a child and not try to raise her."

It will never happen, but I can dream.

decisions

This year either I am getting a job at another school, or I am getting my National certification.  The school I teach at is slowly falling apart and there is nothing I can do about it.  We need a new principal, no news on how that is going but I am on the screening committee, the ones we like decide to go somewhere else.  We have been in academic distress for years and cannot see the end of the tunnel anymore.  We are just a shade away from financial distress.  The state should come in and take us over.  If I get National certification, that helps the school's status and raises my ability to get a better job.

where do they get these

And more importantly, why in my class.

Female student to male student. "do you have man boobies?"

quantity'

I ask my students this question sometimes. "if a girl has sex with one boy in a year's time, is she a slut?" Most students respond "no." "If she has sex with 100 boys in a year, is she a slut?" Almost all students say "yes." Then I ask, "what's the magic number?" ....sometimes they think.

you say that like its a bad word

The middle school dean of students, who used to teach at the high school, came over to do some paperwork. She relayed the story of a girl who slapped another girl because "she called me a bitch". Dean related the idea of control, and dealing with consequences. She had the girl look up the definition. "See it means opinionated woman, so the next time somebody calls you that tell them to capitalize it."

how crazy

Today's lab chemistry students were supposed to determine the amount of vitamin C in fruit juices. Students all day saw the bottles of fruit juice on the counter.

"Can I have some?"

I know this question is coming. It comes every year. What? The walmart is around the corner, do you not eat enough?

"no, you do not want to anyway"

"why not?"

Real reason, it violates safety, there are things in the lab, pipets are being put into the bottles, and its not my job to cater to you.

What I tell them. "I spit in them so you would not want to."

Glance from student. She just might be crazy enough to do it.