Friday, May 4, 2012

do your F**ing job and be a parent

One day, probably when I am near retiring, when I am on the phone with a parent; I will loose it. 
Parent, "I don't know what to do with him/her."
Me (in my imaginary scenario) "well I raised three children.  They have a some problems, but all are respectful, have college degrees and a modicum of success in the world. So let me offer you some suggestions."

"First, get rid of the cell phone."

Parent.,  "but she needs it."

"no she doesn't he needs love, food and sunshine, like all God's creatures.  Second, the reason she needs a cellphone is to talk to the boy friend she's banging."

Parent."Whaaa...?"

"yea, everybody in the school knows they are having sex, when did you figure out?  explain to boyfriend if you see him within 6 feet of your daughter they will never find the body.  I'll let you know, boyfriend is a waste of oxygen and I will not miss him.  Do you know he has one baby already?  Hope your girl is practicing safe sex.  Now are you taking notes...the next one is important.  Get rid of the car."

"but she needs it to go to school..."

"no she wants it to bang the boyfriend weren't you listening?  She can ride the bus or you can drive her.  It is hard to get into trouble if you cannot run off as you wish."

"next, sit with her while she does her homework, about 1 hour everynight.  My class especially.  There is work almost every night.  Do not watch the TV sit with the child.  Read a book, magazine or do the lesson with her.  Heck you might learn something.  I have some books I could suggest."

"I really don't like to read." objects momma.

"I gathered as much the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.  Which leads me to the next step.  Go the library every saturday.  Do not let her use the computer there to socialize...you do realize that you need to take the phone and computer our of her room?  Put them in the main room so you can monitor her."

Parent's blood pressure is up, "how dare you!"

"no, no how dare you have a child and not try to raise her."

It will never happen, but I can dream.

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